| Quote
| Episode
|
|
| As far as I'm concerned CID are bananas: they're bent, yellow and they hang around in bunches.
| Storyboards
Feb 1998
| To Dave Quinnan when discussing if he's commited to uniform.
|
| Here we are: home, sweet, home. That'll be £3.50, please.
| A Rainy Night In Sunhill
Feb 1998
| When dropping off a mentally ill patient outside her home.
|
| Debbie's off the menu.
| Out of Hand
June 1998
| After an elderly gentlemen was asked what he would like.
|
| I'm Italian. I believe in the sanctity of marriage!
| Out Of Hand
June 1998
| To Debbie Keane when asked why he put in so much effort to help two married OAPs.
|
| Careful, Sarge. She's a maniac when reversing!
| King Of The Road
Aug 1998
| Commenting on Polly Page's driving, after she reversed into sign post.
|
| I was investigating; so shoot me!
| One Man, Two Faces
Aug 1998
| After he upset Gary McCann by asking a witness too many questions.
|
| The kind of things thick people like: cars, football and sex.
| Deep End
Sept 1998
| When Rosie Fox asked what he was interested in.
|
| Oooh, be gentle with me, Rosebud!
| Deep End
Sept 1998
| When Rosie wanted a private word with him.
|
| My friends usually call me "Clever b*****d"!
| Deep End
Aug 1998
| After Rosie Fox just called him a b*****d for setting up a prisoner.
|
| I'm always perfect.
| Deep End
Sept 1998
| To Rosie Fox
|
| Not now Reg; my brain hurts.
| For Interest Only
Nov 1998
| When escaping one of Reg's lectures on lateral thinking.
|
| Pull the other one. It plays Jingle Bells.
| Christmas Star
Dec 1998
| When questioning someone dressed as Santa Claus.
|
| When's it due?
| SAD
Dec 1998
| To Tony after he was complaining about putting on weight over Christmas
|
| The old boy's as p*ssed as a newt!
| SAD
Dec 1998
| When approached by an enthusiastic old man with a bottle of whisky.
|
| You couldn't go for older women, Luke. It'd be illegal.
| No Love Lost
Feb 1999
| In a club, when discussing older women with Luke Ashton and Matt Boyden.
|
| We certainly meet a lot of people from outer space.
| No Love Lost
Feb 1999
| When a young woman asks if his job as "working for the government" is like in the X-Files.
|
| They do now.
| No Love Lost
Feb 1999
| To Matt Boyden, when their story for the CIB has the slight flaw that women don't see Matt as a fatherly figure.
|
| Depends how he got there.
|
| After Kerry Holmes tells a woman that there's "nothing stupid about finding a strange man in your room."
|
Eddie: You know what I want Vicks?
Vicky: No. Tell me.
Eddie: I want you to let Dave Quinnan have your overtime slot.
| Lone Ranger
June 1999
| Ed and Vicky flirting at his flat. I think Vicks was expecting something more romantic!
|
| If I don't get Sunhill sorted, I could bring in half of Colombia and I still wouldn’t get in the drugs squad!
| Lone Ranger
June 1999
| To Jess Orten when she fails to see the importance of keeping Bob Cryer happy.
|
| Look Corporal Bill. You help me and I'll help you.
| Lone Ranger
June 1999
| To a guy who's been pretending to be a Major, and then tried to obtain money by deception.
|
| Get back to your own planet, Rosebud!
| Old Flame
June 1999
| To Rosie Fox after she told him that she won't be intimidated.
|
| Watch all you like Ma'am, just don't touch!
| Old Flame
June 1999
| To Rosie Fox after she told him that she "be watching every move" he makes.
|
| No, I’m the Dali bloody Lama.
| The Trial Of Eddie Santini
April 2000
| To his cellmate after he was asked whether he was "the copper".
|
| Get of your legal bloody high horse and tell me straight.
| The Trial Of Eddie Santini
April 2000
| To his barrister, Alex Dunbar QC.
|
